Breaking Headlinez! Silly News Stories

local man thinks he has a hyena in backyard - calls DNR

2009-01-09T14:34:00.003-05:00

Mark, a local resident, called the Department of Natural Resources yesterday and reported that he heard a hyena in his backyard. "After I called, I looked out the window of my backdoor, and I could still hear what sounded like a wild hyena right near the side of the house, but I couldnt see anything. Then, I stepped right outside my door a little, and saw it standing up against the fence wih it's wild frizzy brown mane sticking up over the rose bush. I was petrified, I froze right there on my backdoor steps, and all I could hear was 'AAAACCKKKHHAHAHA ACCKKKHAHAHA' over and over again. So I called the Department of Natural Resources, hoping they could catch it and take it off of my property, and when they got here, I stuck my head out the front door and pointed them to the side of the house, and said 'it's still over there'. So they went over there and came back and knocked on my door and said 'sir, it's just your wife talking to the neighbor'. I said 'are you serious?? what the hell could she be cackling that much about?', and the man said 'not sure sir..but it had something to do with you walking around scratching your butt, that's all I know."

One giant leap for womankind

2008-12-25T20:48:00.008-05:00

Mary Willington, an area resident, knocked over several jewelry displays in the local JCpenney store during the after christmas sale. Mary was walking leisurely down the aisle with her cart full of sale items when she spotted the very last of a beautiful pair of white pearl earrings on display at the end of the aisle. After spotting the pearl earrings, she abandoned her cart and suddenly raced down the aisle like a marathon runner, and before she got to her desired display, she tripped over the boxed jewelry display table with a giant leap, catching her desired pearl earrings off of the next table during her flight, and during her landing she bumped into a series of round, rotating necklace display racks in front of her, knocking them over like dominoes. During her fall, her purse also went flying into the air, knocking over the whole luggage display that was situated near the jewelry tables. "Wow, I couldn't believe what was happening, it sounded like the whole store was coming down when I heard it", said Steve Harris, assistant store manager. Another customer who witnessed the event, said she couldnt believe Mary spotted the earrings from her original location, noting also that she must have had bionic eyes in order to spot them that far away. Nearby customers were afraid for their lives, for fear that they would get hit by the giant luggage display that came tumbling down after it was hit by her purse. Mary did pay over $800 for all damages that resulted from the accident that she caused and was not hurt in the accident.

Tips to avoid reckless christmas shoppers

2008-12-11T21:45:00.003-05:00

We've all encountered overly eager and panicked Christmas shoppers during this time of year. You know....the ones who practically run you over with their cart trying to get to the wrapping paper display, or the ones who cut in front of you in the checkout lane. Well, don't get run over this christmas, here's a list of tips to avoid these mad christmas shoppers:

Do your shopping early in the morning, or late at night.

Be persistent...when you see them coming at you like a mad bull, stay right where you are. Don't let them push you out of the way. If you stand there, they have to stop.

Beat them to the punch. If they are practically running with their cart to get the very last pair of socks on the shelf, run with your cart to beat them to it. Take a shortcut to it, if possible.

If they cut in front of you in the checkout line, then tell them the next lane has less people in it, even if it has no cashier. This will win you your place in line back.

If someone beats you to the last tie on the shelf, look at it and say something like 'uhh, I just saw a kid drool on that a minute ago'

If you see them coming at you like a race horse, and you have no other choices, then run them over if you have to.

Show those insane christmas shoppers that you don't get run over this year, or any other year!

Have a happy and safe holiday!

Local resident thinks everyone in his neighborhood is infatuated with him

2008-08-03T01:06:00.004-04:00

Local Tallton County resident, Randy Stratton, claims that everyone on his street has a crush on him. Randy says that whenever he is outside or pulls up into his drive-way, his next-door neighbors always look out their windows. "....Yeah, and you know, when I drive my dump-truck home from work some evenings, I see them lustfully peering out their windows at me. I know when I'm out there watering the lawn, the older lady across the street comes out in her nightgown, and slippers, with rollers in her hair and always waves at me. I guess that's her way of trying to be sexy, I don't know. My other neighbor must be gay or something, because he's a man, and whenever I come out of my garage with my tools to do work on the outside of the house, he's always smiling and waving at me, and sometimes even tries to say hello to me. They're not foolin' anybody, especially not me...", said Randy. Randy says he's starting to feel uncomfortable living in his neighborhood, with all of the neighbors lusting after him, and is thinking about moving to another street. "It's the only thing I can do, I guess. Pretty soon, I'll have the whole block after me", added Randy.

Breaking News: Frank G. farted around today!

2008-07-24T17:51:00.003-04:00

Breaking Headlinez reporters did an exclusive interview with Frank Goodman, the man who just farted around today.

Reporter: Hello Frank!
Frank: Hi!
Reporter: Are you through farting around?
Frank: Well umm....yeah..for now.
Reporter: Tell us a little about how you spent your day farting around.
Frank: Well, first I got up and farted by the bedroom door, and it sounded like someone shuffling and flipping a deck of cards. Then I let out a loud, bellowing fart by the coffee maker. After eating breakfast, I went down to the bank and snuck one out in front of the teller (I dont think she even noticed, hehe). I also let a silent but deadly one out in the sporting goods section of Kmart. Then I came home and toot-tooted with every step of my "sweatin' to the oldies" exercise routine. Then I blasted a few while watching "The Price is Right" and a couple of soap operas. I ripped a couple of stinkers by the potatoes when I went grocery shopping. Then I came home and let a real juicy one by the washing machine while doing laundry. I didnt fart again until I got into bed and let out a real loud 'flapper' under the covers.
Reporter: Wow, sounds like you had a real blast today!
Frank: Yeah!
Reporter: What did you eat to make you fart so much?
Frank: Well, the night before I had a couple of bowls of bean soup. That might have done it.
Reporter: Are you going to spend tomorrow farting around too?
Frank: I might, yes.
Reporter: How often do you do this kind of farting around?
Frank: Well, whenever I need to really. I just feel one coming on, and well..."it" happens...

Local man doesn't remember his name

2008-07-20T14:14:00.003-04:00

A local county resident does not remember his name. He claims it is because his relatives were always calling him by different names by accident, and since they still do this, he can not remember his first name. "I've been called jack, jim, james, john, jimmy, and a whole host of other names, for as long as I can remember. No one can seem to remember my name when they call me out, not even my mother or father, so I have no idea what my real first name is. I've also mislocated my birth certificate, which adds to this problem.", said the nameless, local man. "I guess one day, I'll find out, or someone will remember...", he added.

Area woman hollars across town

2008-06-08T11:20:00.004-04:00

Area resident, Tiffany, went out with her friends to a club on saturday night. She told her brother that she would stay with her friend that night, and her brother, Tony, told her to "hollar at him" when she got back to her friends house, so that he would know she got back safely. "When my friend, Yvonne, and I got back I said 'hold on for a second, Tony told me to hollar at him when we got back' and I opened the window and hollared out 'YO TONY! I'M BACK AT YVONNE'S PLACE, TALK TO YA LATER'. I was wondering why he said to hollar at him, when he was going to be six blocks away, and when I got back, I asked him did he hear me and he said no and told me that he meant for me to call him on the phone." said Tiffany. "well....sorry if I woke anybody in the neighborhood up.", added Tiffany.

Stylish county resident claims he is too sexy for everything

2008-06-08T11:11:00.006-04:00

Stylish county resident, Fred, claims he's too sexy for everything. "I'm just too sexy for this world. I'm too sexy for this apartment, I'm too sexy for my truck, I'm too sexy to go out on the sidewalk, I'm too sexy for the grocery store, I'm too sexy for my job, I'm even too sexy for the post office! I just dont know what to do in this type of emergency, I have to be somewhere, I have to eat and work.", exclaimed Fred. Fred says he is open to suggestions from other stylish county residents, even though he is too sexy for them too. Anyone with suggestions as to how Fred can solve this problem can contact the local stylish county police department.

Local man haunted by ghost of cow

2008-05-25T20:33:00.006-04:00

A local man says he is haunted by the ghost of a cow. Ned O'Neil says he has even seen the cow ghost with his very own eyes. "Well, I know I've been eating alot of beef lately, but this is ridiculous. I mean, what kind of beef have I been eating here...", said Ned. Ned says he hears a cowbell at the dinner table when he eats beef, and hears a ghostly 'mooooooo' sound at night that keeps him awake whenever he's been eating beef. "I tried cutting out all beef for a week and the hauntings stopped, but when I went back to eating beef, this cow came back even worse. The night I started eating beef for dinner again, I sat down at the table with my plate of roast beef and mashed potatoes and I felt something breathing on my neck and I turned around and there it was! It was a great big, full-fledged apparition of a cow, and it went "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" with a loud, bellowing sound. The cow was ghostly white and was larger than life, I was horrified. I jumped up and shouted "HOLY COW!", I couldnt believe my eyes! It was giving me a look like I'd never seen before, a look that told me it was out for revenge, it was snarling at me!" Ned said that the night after that incident, he felt something bite his arm while he was eating a cheeseburger and he jumped around and exclaimed "ow now brown cow!" Breaking Headlinez reporters asked Ned if he'd thought of a solution and he replied "I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian."

Everyone should get out of local man's way immediately

2008-03-03T22:02:00.004-05:00

Charles Buxter says that everyone should get out of his way immediately, no matter where he is because he is such an important person. "Are you kidding me? I'm the most important person in town, get out of my way, please.", said Charles, impatiently. We managed to catch Charles before he bustled off, and asked him in what ways people should get out of his way. "Well, when I am behind someone at a red light, I don't care what the situation is, they need to get out of the way, even if it means they have to get hit by another car, just get out of the way or I will start honking continuously until they do, and if that doesn't work then I will run them over. When I go to a checkout line at the grocery store, or any store, then they need to step away so that I can check out, because if not, then I will barge up there and push them out, which I have done before. My hot dog stand business is just so important, that no one needs to be holding me up, this is official business that I do, and it takes up quite a bit of my time. I never wait for someone to call me back, they'd better give me my answer immediately, and when I call someone they'd better answer it within the second ring, or they will hear about it later.", Charles replied sternly. Breaking Headlinez is informing everyone in town to get out of Charles' way, immediately.

area man addicted to eating

2008-03-01T18:16:00.003-05:00

Mike, a local, 42 year old resident, is addicted to eating. "Did you bring any snickers bars with you?", Mike asked us as we started our interview with him. "I've got to have food all the time. I even eat myself to sleep sometimes, I keep Doritos next to my bed and just snack out until I go to sleep. I eat five full meals a day. I eat while driving too, I always keep some kind of snack in the car, so I can pig out while I am going to the store for more food, or when I go anywhere, for that matter. I definitely eat while watching TV, constantly. When I go places, I carry a small backpack full of food and snacks to eat. I even snack on various foods like gummy bears, twinkies, or cheese 'n crackers while I take a bath. I'll eat just about anything, really. All this eating takes alot of planning out too, I wake up at 3 a.m and pop some sausage, egg and cheese biscuits in the microwave and eat that, then I go back to bed and wake up at 7 a.m and eat a ham and cheese omelet, with bacon and two slices of toast. Then my third meal would be lunch around noon, which can consist of various things, depending on my mood, then when I get home at 4 p.m, I usually make myself a sandwich and have some potato chips. Then I have dinner around 7 p.m., plus I snack constantly in between.", said Mike as he was spooning Spaghetti O's out of a microwaveable container while talking to us. We asked Mike how much he spends on groceries per week, and he replied "ahh, about $175, just for myself, sometimes more, and none of it goes to waste." We asked Mike what his favorite food was, and he replied "There's a few...pizza, fried chicken, subs." Mike said he does not plan on doing anything about his addiction because he enjoys eating too much, when we asked him if he has ever considered therapy.

Laziest man on earth found

2008-03-01T17:28:00.005-05:00

Bill Gibbs has been labeled as 'the laziest man on earth' by his friends and family. "He's just so lazy, he won't do anything. The only thing he seems to have enough energy to do is to go to the bathroom, sometimes. He keeps everything right next to the couch, so that he can sit on his butt and hardly have to get up for anything.", said his sister Charlene. "ohhhh, I'm just so tired...", said Bill, exhaustively. "...just got done going out to get the mail...uunnhh, unnhh, whew! Out of breathe now. ...have to walk all the way across the front yard. whew....I'm gonna have to move that mailbox closer to the house, that's all there is to it. I just can't deal with all this walking.", said Bill. When we asked Bill what his occupation was, he replied "...worked at a pickle plant, but I got a doctor's note for like...the rest of my life. So I don't work now. Doctor said it might be too much stress on me anyway. ...too damned tired for that.", said Bill. We noted that Bill's front yard looked like it hadn't been mowed at all this year, so we asked him who cuts his front yard and he replied "I'll get to it....one of these months..I might even wait until next summer...the hell with it". We asked Bill how he cooks, and he told us that he keeps a small refrigerator next to the couch, and a microwave also, so that he can just heat things up while he sits on the couch in front of the TV. "..and that grocery shopping is a damned workout, let me tell ya...", Bill exclaimed. When we asked Bill about how he does his laundry, he started grunting. "unnnhhh! unnhh! ohhh, you gotta stop asking so many questions...I'm getting tired..", he announced, as he was getting irritated and exhausted....

Woman farts in doctors face, doctor recovering

2008-02-29T02:12:00.003-05:00

Violet had an appointment with Dr. Harris today and accidentally farted in his face. Dr. Harris is now recovering from the asphyxiation. He was treating her for spurs on her foot by giving her a cortisone shot, when suddenly Violet let out a loud fart, which she had been holding in for quite some time. "I had been holding and squeezing it in ever since I entered the building, even during my time in the waiting room. When he stuck that needle in my foot, it just pushed itself right out, I couldn't hold it any longer. I was so embarrassed.", said Violet, embarrassingly. "Whewww! boy did it stink! It made me dizzy too. I had to hold my nose to keep from passing out, and then go into another room to catch my breathe. I don't know what she ate before she came to my office, but I wonder if I should be checking her out for some kind of stomach problem...", Dr. Harris said, still astonished by the incident, "I'm still recovering from it, I still get a little lightheaded from time to time, but I'm getting better now", added Dr. Harris. When we asked Dr. Harris to describe the smell, he replied saying that it smelled very strongly of hard-boiled eggs.

Local citizens protest temporary taco bell shut down

2008-02-26T23:19:00.010-05:00

The local Taco Bell was shut down temporarily in downtown Wesstown today. The restaurant will be closed for renovations for approximately 2 weeks, and the locals are quite upset about it. "we want our taco bell back!", said one local Wesstown woman who wished to remain anonymous. The anonymous woman was standing on the sidewalk in front of the Taco Bell restaurant with a painted sign that read 'We want our Tacos!', she was waving at all of the passersby on the street and chanting 'we want our Taco Bell!', along with about 10 other local citizens who were also chanting and standing with their own signs. The chanting can be heard down the street from the Taco Bell also, and a band of teenagers can be heard screaming and yelling in protest from the drive-thru section. Another local woman named Krissy was quite upset and told us "I just don't know what I'm going to do now..I usually go there for lunch, but there's nothing that compares to Taco Bell. 2 weeks is such a long time, and I've been marking off the date on my calendar. I've been bringing those cheap burritos that I found at the supermarket, but they just don't compare to Taco Bell. I've been getting by however I can. My mother and sister are both so upset about this, they call me everyday complaining and I have to calm them down. *sigh* what am I going to do for the next two weeks?" Another local man told us "this is just the pits, I'm ticked off about it, and my wife makes the nastiest tacos I've ever tasted. I just can't wait for them to open back up. I'm ready to kidnap the Taco Bell manager and bring him home with me so he can make me some good food." The restaurant manager apologizes for the inconvenience, and hopes that they can re-open before 2 weeks.

Beach bum goes berserk over flip-flops

2008-02-24T21:34:00.004-05:00

Bill, a local man who owns a shop on the boardwalk, was furious when he found his whole flip flop rack, which was situated outside his shop door, overturned and dumped all over the sidewalk. "That dang, beach bum, Dan....he just went off his nut. I don't know what the hell got into him. I just went out and saw it overturned and all the flip-flops on that rack were just dumped all over the danged place. He went off in a fit of rage. He went nuts, and I made him pick them all up and put them back on the rack too. ", said furious Bill, standing with his hands on his hips. "I just got tired of hearing that damned flip-flopping sound of flip-flops all damned day!", said Dan. "I'm always trying to sleep, when all these ditzy women are walking by and all I can hear is 'flap, flap, flap' and the sound of chomping gum all the time, and if you think that's bad, wait until a man walks by with a pair on, it sounds like a 350-lb moose trying to walk with a pair of them on 'boom-bam-boom-bam-boom-bam'. They just can't pick their damned feet up when they're walking in them things...A man's gotta get some sleep, goddamnit!", added Dan. "If he's that bothered by the sounds of flip-flops then he needs to go someplace else and bum-out and stay the hell away from my shop.", announced Bill.

Local police officer watches for speedy yard sale go-ers on saturdays

2008-02-24T21:07:00.006-05:00

"I'm pissed! I didn't get that china pig on Walton Avenue for 25 cents that Melissa was selling, because of that cop that has nothing else better to do at 8am except pull over innocent yard salers like me. Lola, that nosey neighbor of mine got it, instead. I hate her, she's always making sure she gets everything before I do, and she's always got her hands in my vegetable garden, that cow! I wish she'd just nose out!", exclaimed Nina, a local 56 year old woman, who was on a yard sale spree with her sister, Olivia, Saturday morning. Officer Benson said he pulled Nina over because she was doing 50 mph in a 25 mph zone, and he noted that she was also driving somewhat carelessly. "She was all over the road, swerving and all, if I didn't know better, I would have thought she was drinking or something. I had to pull her over before she caused an accident. It was like she took too much of her medication this morning. I don't know what got into her, she's normally a very safe driver. I don't care about a china pig, it's more important to keep the roads safe.", said Officer Benson. Officer Benson said that he's going to have to start keeping an eye out on Saturday mornings for speedy, ambitious yard salers, and he also added that no matter how many 25 cent china pigs there are at these yard sales, it is still important to drive carefully.

News Briefs:

2008-02-21T21:09:00.005-05:00

Breaking News Briefs:

Friday the 13th, number 50, limited edition, to be released.
Somebody somewhere has finally decided who is the best Elvis impersonator.
Everyone at local country bar found to be crying after hearing sad country song on jukebox.
Search engines find that the most searched terms on the internet are celebrity names.
Clinton and Obama argue over who got to the water fountain first.

Man always repeats comments 5 times to wife....

2008-02-20T23:40:00.004-05:00

Harry Langton, a local 46 year old man, has learned to repeat his comments to his wife five times in a row to her so that she'll remember what he's said. Harry explains: "She's always asking me the same question over and over again, even after I've explained whatever it was to her once already. She just asks the same question, in a different way...like one time, she fell asleep while we were on a trip to a nearby town about 45 miles from here, to visit friends, and when she woke up, she asked me where we were. I told her that I was on the main highway, but there was an accident there that was holding things up, so I took a detour. Five minutes later, she's saying something like 'I dont understand why you didnt just stay on the main highway', either that or I will tell her something and since she's not listening or gets distracted by the kids, I have to repeat it several times before she acknowledges it. So now I just repeat the important parts to her five times consecutively to begin with....for instance, if I am going to mow the lawn, I just say 'I'm going to mow the lawn. I'm going to mow the lawn. I'm going to mow the lawn. I'm going to mow the lawn. I'm going to mow the lawn.', that way she always remembers it. It's quite annoying to have to constantly repeat myself". Harry's wife told us that he sounds stupid when he does that, but the method does work for some mysterious reason. "I just wish he wouldnt do it so much when we are out in public together, because people look at him like he's crazy, it's so embarrassing...sheesh", Harry's wife added.

Redneck takes sweetheart to the tractor pull for anniversary

2008-02-15T12:28:00.003-05:00

Local redneck, Bill Balley, took his wife of ten years to the tractor pull for their anniversary. "This one was special (ten years), so I decided to take her out.", said Bill. We talked to Sally about how she felt about this special event, and she explained it to us. "well, usually on our anniversary, we just stay home while I fix us a homemade fried chicken dinner. After dinner I usually wash dishes and clean up the flour, grease, and fried chicken crispies off of the counter and table, while he sits in his dirty socks and old, beer-stained tank top watching football. When he told me he was takin' me out to the tractor pull, I was so excited.", said Sally. When asked how well she enjoyed the tractor pull event, she replied "oh, it was so exciting, all that mud and machinery...it was so romantic." Bill said he hopes to start taking her to the tractor pull events every year from now on, as a reminder of their tenth anniversary.

US officials to try to shoot down big thing

2008-02-14T23:19:00.007-05:00

In a follow up to Big Thing To Hit Earth, US officials have decided to try to shoot down the 'big thing'. US officials have determined that the big thing is a spy satellite, and are concocting methods of destroying it before it hits earth. We stood out in a undisclosed location in Maryland with the president and vice president, where President Bush exclaimed "stand back! I'm gonna try to break her up with my six-shooter!". Bush bent at the knees, and wrapped both hands around the gun, and fired six shots and missed the spy satellite. Vice President Cheney then stepped in with his Remington shotgun, saying "Just step back, I'll get her with my trusty Remington...", and aimed and shot several shots with the shotgun, without success. President Bush then announced "alright boys, we're gonna have to bring in the big guns." The president said he is going to have the military bring in the Navy Cruiser and shoot a missile at the spy satellite. "Not sure what we're going to do if we miss, we might just speculate if we should shoot a second shot or not...", said the president.

secret admirer goes overboard for valentine's day

2008-02-14T03:43:00.002-05:00

a local man (name withheld) has decided to go 'all out' this Valentine's Day for his big crush. He brought 20 boxes of candy, 200 red roses, a pair of ruby earrings, 10 stuffed animals, and a valentine card that read only "from your secret admirer", to Melissa's doorstep early this morning. "I didnt sign it cause I am just too shy, but I think it'll get her attention though. You dont think I went overboard do you?", said the 'secret admirer'.

local man makes tent out of soda caps

2008-02-11T22:11:00.000-05:00

Otis Hampton has saved soda bottle caps for ten years, and makes all sorts of items out of them. He started out by making small things like tissue box holders out of bottle caps, coasters, and small shelves. When Otis got bored of making small things, he graduated to larger things like making a dog house out of bottle caps, and even a doll house for his granddaughter. Now Otis has decided to make a tent in his backyard out of soda bottle caps. It is red with white trim, and is four feet tall, and five feet wide, made almost entirely of caps from Coke and Dr. Pepper bottles. "I poke a hole through the caps and have wired them all together. I've even made a support that helps hold it up from the inside out of bottle cap stacks that are glued and wired together on top of each other.", said enthusiastic Otis. When we asked Otis if he thought any of the caps were winning caps, he replied "Oh, I'm sure there's a winner in there somewhere".

Local consumer cant figure out which $5 bill to use

2008-02-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

Breaking Headlinez was live at Smith's drugstore, where Neil, a 50 year old customer was purchasing various items...only he couldnt figure out which five dollar bill was the best one to give to the clerk. His purchase was $14.98 and he gave the clerk the only ten dollar bill he had, but he had three five dollar bills in his wallet, and just couldnt figure out which one he wanted to part with. "well...........this one is a little old and broken in.........but it feels so soft and smooth, I like it too much. *long pause and sigh* hmmmm", said Neil, as he ran the dollar bill between his fingers, slowly a few times, staring at it, as if there were no one else in line behind him. "This other one I have is nice and crisp and harder feeling.......not so smooth...but it's more vivid in color. See? [Neil shows the clerk] *long sigh*....I just like the vivid green though....*long pause*", Neil said, as he held the five dollar bill up in the air, staring at the pretty, vivid green color. Customers in line behind Neil were expressing looks of impatience, as he was making this long idiotic decision. "I do have a third one....it's seen a few days......not too crisp......not too smooth, it's just right, but that's what I like about it also. It's just too right...hmmmm *another long sigh*......but it is a little folded up though.......see?........and it's curved permanently from the folds now.....it's like a permanent deformity. Know what I mean?? *long sigh* hmmmmmmm, I might give you this one.....", Neil said to the clerk, who nodded and also was getting quite impatient. "well.....I dont know.....I guess I could just give you the crisp one....hmmm......but then it's so crisp it could give someone a paper cut on their hand.....hmmm....*long pause*........Well.....ok, I think I'll uhhh.........have to give you the folded one then.....makes sense..........", announced Neil as he slowly but surely passed over the five dollar bill. We asked Neil how he felt about his final decision on which five dollar bill to part with, and he told us that it is not an easy decision to part with money at any time, and he also added that you'll never see that five dollar bill again.

Area man suggests that all business owners make things harder on employees out of spite

2008-02-08T22:34:00.000-05:00

Ted Downey has been doing his homework. Ted used to work in a factory that processed canned foods for ten years, and always noticed that every single time he found an easier, quicker way to do his job correctly, and got his routine going, that the supervisors always found a reason to tell him that he couldnt continue doing things that way. "they always nitpicked and found the stupidest damned reason to tell me that I couldnt do it the way that I found quickest and easiest, but they want everything done fast. I finally concluded that they just wanted to be a pain in the ass. It's been like that everywhere I've worked at, and I set out to find out if they do it out of spite." explained frustrated Ted. "I went around to local businesses, in my time off from my new job, and made arrangements to talk to the owners, and asked them why they do this. I just wanted to do my own research on it and find out the truth, and what I found was astonishing. Some business owners just want to make sure the job is as hard as possible for the employees because of the mere fact that they are paying them, not because it is good for business. That was the answer that I got from 90 percent of the business owners." added Ted. Ted said his next project is to find a way for business owners to get what they pay for, without making it harder on employees, and instead, find a way to concentrate on making better products, etc. "I think that would be the most intelligent thing.", added Ted.

Doorbuster sale at sewing center gone wrong

2008-02-05T16:10:00.000-05:00

Things were really bustling today at Nancy's Sewing Center as a result of their one day only doorbuster sale. All prices were 50% off, and women were almost literally busting the door down to get in, to get their fabrics, thread spools, knitting needles, buttons, bra extenders, zippers, among other things before they ran out. "People were grabbing their carts and actually running into the door with them so they could get in and make sure they got their sewing supplies before they ran out, and the door was slamming open and slamming shut, and some people were even fighting each other to get in the door. The door was opening as fast as it could shut, and after we saw a crack in the top half of the door, from all of the slamming open and shut, we decided to prop it open with a brick, to keep the bottom part of the glass from breaking. We're not sure how much it's going to cost to repair the door, yet. But we're working on it.", said Angie, the manager of Nancy's Sewing Center.