Local resident thinks everyone in his neighborhood is infatuated with him

Local Tallton County resident, Randy Stratton, claims that everyone on his street has a crush on him. Randy says that whenever he is outside or pulls up into his drive-way, his next-door neighbors always look out their windows. "....Yeah, and you know, when I drive my dump-truck home from work some evenings, I see them lustfully peering out their windows at me. I know when I'm out there watering the lawn, the older lady across the street comes out in her nightgown, and slippers, with rollers in her hair and always waves at me. I guess that's her way of trying to be sexy, I don't know. My other neighbor must be gay or something, because he's a man, and whenever I come out of my garage with my tools to do work on the outside of the house, he's always smiling and waving at me, and sometimes even tries to say hello to me. They're not foolin' anybody, especially not me...", said Randy. Randy says he's starting to feel uncomfortable living in his neighborhood, with all of the neighbors lusting after him, and is thinking about moving to another street. "It's the only thing I can do, I guess. Pretty soon, I'll have the whole block after me", added Randy.